How To Be Good at Therapy
Sorry babe, there’s no one answer to that! There are some ways to get more of what you need out of therapy, so let’s talk about those.
Be ready to be vulnerable. You’ve chosen therapy for a personal reason; you want to grow, or change something, or understand yourself better. At some point, that will mean you’ve got to be open with your therapist about some of your internal truths. That can be uncomfortable, but that’s the work.
Be honest. What’s the point of finding a therapist, scheduling an appointment, doing intake paperwork, organizing your insurance, blocking your schedule, going to the office…just to sit on the couch and lie to your therapist? Sometimes we aren’t aware of a lie because we aren’t ready to face some truth, and that’s ok. But if you’re actively being dishonest, you’re using your own time unwisely. I’ll charge your session fee either way, so you might as well be honest and get into the work.
Ask for feedback. You’ve chosen your therapist because you trust something about them. So ask them for their ideas, opinions, or possible solutions to your situation. You don’t have to do what your therapist suggests; there’s plenty of times that people don’t and that’s ok. But asking for feedback opens up a different viewpoint for you.
Provide feedback. If there’s something your therapist does that really works for you, tell them! Or, if they are doing something that really doesn’t work for you, tell them that. The relationship is a two-way exchange and your needs have to be met. If they aren’t, say so. And if you do say something and nothing changes, that’s a sign to explore some other therapy options.
Do some work between sessions. Be ready to pay more attention to your life, your interactions, your relationships. Make some small changes and see what shifts. Take notes so you’ve got new data to bring to your next session. Growth happens between therapy sessions, not on the couch in the office.
Work on reading your own signals. Your body will tell you things. I know, that sounds like BS, but therapy is a process of understanding your emotions and reactions, and the data you get from your body is an important part of that decoding. When your stomach turns, when your chest gets tight, when your hands get tingly…these are valuable signals your body needs you to notice so you learn more about yourself.
Have an idea about the process of therapy. Therapists are trained to work ourselves out of jobs. We aren’t rent-a-friend services. We work with you to make you feel secure in finding healthy relationships of your own. What that means is that therapy has a beginning where you get to know each other and set some goals. That’s followed by the working part of the relationship, where you grow an understanding of yourself and work toward your goals. Then there’s the termination phase, where the work wraps up and you say goodbye. Maybe it’s goodbye forever, maybe not. Therapy has a beginning and an end.
Understand the limits of the relationship. Your therapist cares about you. We root for you to win and we feel your frustration when you struggle. We want good things for you. But your therapist should always be professional. They should not hit on you, make you feel uncomfortable, try to spend time with you out of therapy, send you frequent emails or texts, or try to trade or barter with you. The Texas Board of Examiners of Professional Counselors is tasked with keeping clients safe, and we have an ethical obligation to follow their rules. If you have questions about the ethics of your therapist’s behavior, you can contact the Board at any time.
The only right way to be good at therapy is to find the parts of therapy that are right for you. It’s an ongoing process for every person, and your therapist should feel honored you’ve chosen them for your journey.
